6 months and a lifetime in the making

I have "How He Loves Us" turned up in the head phones as I write this.  There are days when a simple worship song can turn the entire day around.  Today is such a day as this.  Today marks six months since our Dossier touched ground in Rwanda.  Holy smokes...I wish I could say that it seems like just yesterday that this celebrated occasion took place, but to be honest, it feels like six months.  There are days when I don't notice, but then there are moments when I nearly feel like I am suffocating in this wait...dragging, discouraged, tearful, lonely.

It is in those moments that my heart calls out to worship our Maker and I begin to think about the way He loves us.  If I don't turn to Him but rather, I turn to myself instead, it is then that I know I am trouble.  Remember Peter, the one disciple that chose to get out of the boat (Matthew 14:28-33)  He had such great faith that he jumped on the opportunity to experience the impossible.  It wasn't a toe dipping, deep reflection, moment.  Peter asks, "Lord, if it is You, ask me to come." 

Come. 

I see Peter full of focused ambition as he stands up and steps forward boldly onto the water.  Waves tickled his ankles, sea mist coaxed him to take the next step, and there he was, walking towards Christ, on water.  All was going great, until he began to doubt, he took his eyes off Christ and focused on himself, the task that was at hand and the world he was within. "It was then that he began to sink and he cried out, Lord save me."

I am sure that you have all felt that you were sinking at one time or another.  You may be sailing down the drain at this very moment.  Take heart and know that Christ loves you so much.  It's not that He loved you and then left you to fend for yourself.  It's not that He loved you so much that He created you and then turned from you and ran.  No He loves you, yesterday, today, always, and forever the same...no matter who you are, what you have done, how your hair looks, what you wear, what you think, how much money you make, what brand of cheese you purchase, whether you bite your nails, what you have accomplished, whether or not you choose to love Him...HE LOVES YOU. (I will not leave you or forsake you) YOU ARE HIS BELOVED.  How awesome is that!  The creator of all things LOVES you.  

So whether you are on a boat, on land, in a tree, at a desk, where ever you are, turn from yourself to Him.  He will wait...He stands at the door and knocks.  If anyone hears His voice and opens the door, He will come in. (Rev 3:20)  He will not beat down the door and take you by the collar and force His ways into your life, but He will wait at the door of your heart, gently knocking...it could be a song that taps, it could be a mountain view that opens your eyes to the truth, it could be a tear-filled, message soaked moment, but He is there waiting for your answer. 

Will you let Me into your life so that we can do this thing together, or would you rather go at it alone?  Grace awaits you on the other side. 

"It was then that he began to sink and he cried out, Lord save me."  Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him."

Number 62

Grayson Highlands Park, VA

We are a bit more settled now.  Gray and I took a spontaneous trip to Ohio about two weeks after moving to New Hampshire to visit a few family members that we don't get to see very often, his cousin Ava and Randy's sister and her husband were in from South Dakota.  So we made the trek south west, but this time it only took 13 hours instead of 19 because we are so much closer in New Hampshire.  We swung through PA to visit my brother and his family, continued through Cleveland to see my sister and her family, and then down to Dayton, Ohio to stay with Randy's parents.  It was actually one of my favorite trips so far and I am still trying to place my finger on why.  It was so filled with family, friends, hugs, and warmth...maybe that's it.  It is tough sometimes living away from everything that you are familiar with, even after four years of being "away" I still am filled with sense of being home every time I return to Ohio.  Sweet kinship I guess. 

Randy's folks then joined us for the ride back to New Hampshire so that they could visit our new home and hang out for a few days with the foliage.  It was a great visit.  We had some time at the farmer's market, a few dining establishments, and Randy and I even went out on a date, which was very nice.  We even held hands for a bit. 

So here we are on Monday...back to the riggers of real life.  Grayson is officially five today.  We did our time at Panera (schooling did take place), completed the grocery shopping, and finished up with the story hour at the local library.  He is now taking what I like to call the "no-nap" where he has some downtime on his own and I usually run around frantically trying to clean up.  But today is different, because we are getting some new kitchen cabinets, so here I am at the computer updating all of you on the happenings of our life while we wait to meet our little girl. 

You see, it is pretty much like all of your lives, routine moments making up entire days.  But, for me, while we wait, there is a longing.  It is similar in some ways to how I felt while I was pregnant with Grayson.  We were waiting for nine months, reading through books, studying how he was growing, what he was doing in there where I couldn't see him.  I would eat right, hike miles daily, and attempt to sleep comfortably.  I knew he was as safe as I could make him.  I prayed for him, for his health, for his future, for each moment as it presented itself. 

For our little one in Rwanda, there is this same longing to meet her, to know her, to hold her...but I can only eat right for me, I hike with Grayson daily, I sleep each night.  I have no idea what she is doing each day, who holds her, who feeds her.  I wonder if she is sleeping comfortably among the other children who are being waited for.  I read through books that talk about how our family will be, once she is with us.  I pray for her often, for her health, her future, and for each moment as it presents itself. 

We are on the cusp of month five of our wait and we were just notified that we're number 62.  I never thought that number would hold any meaning for us, just a six and a two hanging out numerically.  But what this means is that God is moving, that the ministry in Rwanda is moving, that they have thumbed through our dossier, (our papers that say who we are and how our family is waiting to meet our baby girl) and they have assigned us with number 62.  We continue to wait, with our hands raised with praise, knowing that even though I can't feel her growing within or read about where she is at this exact moment, I can be refreshed by turning to Him, who knows her already better than I ever will. 

In New Hampshire

So as many of you know, we had a big move coming up and I wanted to inform you that we have arrived safely.  Some of you may remember our move four years ago today, to Maine.  What a transition that was.  I found myself on my knees sobbing or hiding on the basement stairs asking God over and over again, "What am I doing here?"  The first few months were such a time of growth, spiritually, as a mom, as a wife, as a Maine-er.  I have never begged God or my husband so much to take me back to where I had been than I did in those first three months.  Call me an Israelite if you must, it was within those months that I found myself doing a lot of wandering.

I felt like I had my roots ripped out from underneath me even though I had voluntarily rode the twenty some hours north to our new home.  I remember arriving and meeting the landlord for the first time and stepping foot into an apartment that I had ordered on the Internet.  I can recall thinking, "It's not quite what it looked like online."  The tile was still being laid and the kitchen was shrouded in the original 1960's decor, including, but not limited to my very own in-wall oven, complete with dead bird carcass in the one and only cabinet drawer.  Those first few months were rough, probably some of the toughest I have ever experienced.  But you know what, God was there, seated beside me, stroking my hair and calling me His beloved.  I love when He calls me that.  In fact, I thirst for those moments because I am usually in one of those random valleys, lonely and reaching for Him.  He always meets me there and holds me as I weep.

New Hampshire has not been the same experience.  We arrived to an apartment that I did not have to paint on my own, (yes, that was just another one of the awesome surprises that awaited us in Maine) Randy has a job as a high school math teacher, (some of you may recall that he washed dishes for the first year in Maine while he was waiting to qualify for his graduate program), and Grayson talks now...a lot. (I no longer get the pleasure of making up and saying what I think he might be thinking, but rather he tells me, over and over again until I respond)

We have been here for nearly two weeks.  I get to stay at home with Gray and discover what New Hampshire has in store for us.  We have been busy reading, writing, hiking, playing, and wandering.  Just today we hiked on the Appalachian Trail and took homemade chocolate chip cookies to one of the shelters for the thru-hikers, hoping to touch the lives and fill the bellies of the folks that are heading North to Maine to complete their hike. 

It is a different feeling here than it was in Maine.  I don't know if it is age, or that we have already been through this type of thing, or if we have just finally come home.  We will keep you posted on any new developments in NH as well as within our adoption.  It has been four months since our wait began and many more are projected to follow.  What we do know is that God is at work and we can cling to the knowledge that He knows the plans that He has for us.

Summer slipping away

So much is taking place in our lives, that I have been less than efficient at keeping up with the posts.  I think I left off with purchasing a house, preparing for a visit with friends, and Randy was finishing up with his thesis work.  So let me breath some life into what has taken place over the past six weeks.  We had made an offer on a house in New Hampshire and it was accepted.  We proceeded with the inspection and that is where things got a bit sticky.  You see, it was an older house in much need of some TLC.  For example, the front sill of the foundation that is holding up the house was starting to rot through, which in turn was causing the house to sag a bit.  The chimney was not up to state standards...kinda a fire hazard, and the windows...all of them needed revamping.  These were the things that needed to take place right away.  Then there were the cosmetic pieces, knocking down walls to make the kitchen into a cooking paradise and adding a bathroom upstairs.  Sooooo...with that being said and after some wonderful advice from folks that are genuinely concerned for a our well being, we decided to pull out of the purchase, (our offer was contingent on a satisfactory home inspection) and stick to renting for at least this first year.  We have been on a few journeys to New Hampshire.  This past Saturday, we viewed four apartments, and I have to admit, I was a bit scared because not only were they a bit more expensive than what we are paying now, but they were smaller and not as well maintained as what we are currently in.  But, as we walked into the fourth and least expensive of the options, I was reminded that the Lord had gone ahead and prepared a place for us.  I cannot express the absolute thrill that I felt as we passed through the thresh hold of our new apartment.  Warmth, gratitude, hope...we stayed with the landlord and his wife for three hours enjoying conversation, lemonade, and a yummy lunch.  I will post photos once we get there.

As for friends, we had our close friends from Ohio visit about two weeks ago and I am pleased to say that seven people (four adults and three children) can fit comfortably into a two bed apartment, but you have to be willing.  I cannot express to you how much joy was experienced while they were here.  We went to the beach, we relaxed, we ate two full pints of homemade ice cream, two blueberry pies, and probably three pounds of butter.  We went blueberry picking, we relaxed some more, we watched a movie, we had memorable conversations, and we just enjoyed the time that we were blessed to share with one another.

So Randy's thesis is finally finished.  He defended a little over a week ago and I had the opportunity to attend the defense, which I was really excited about for two reasons.  One: I knew that there would be delicious food there because Randy had done the baking.  Two:  I thought that I would finally understand what a derivative is.  The food was super and yummy, the presentation was enlightening, and derivatives still remain a mystery.  Randy put his finishing touches on the written portion and is still waiting for a response from his committee.  As you can see, he is a new man.

Last, but not lease, we are moving in less than two weeks.  Peaberry is a bit sad, but we are pretty sure that she is going to sleep through it. We have been busy packing, working, parenting, and playing and will continue to do so until the task is complete.  I am pretty sure the packing will be the first item checked off of our list and the other three, we will spend the rest of our lives taking part in.  So for now, I say God bless and good night.

Been a while

We have been off the radar for a little while, not intentionally of course.  We have been very busy making plans for the upcoming move.  Randy has taken a teaching position in New Hampshire and we will be moving to the area in about six weeks.  We have put an offer in on a house and after the inspection we should have a better idea if this house in right for our family.  We are excited and hopeful that all will go well. 

We hosted a yardsale yesterday for the adoption and after about five hours, we had to call it quits because of the rain.  But we made $600 toward the adoption which we are thrilled about.  We still have about half of the items donated so next Saturday, we will be hosting part two. 

Summer has been a bit warm, but not without adventure.  I believe I left you in Vermont after visiting with Randy's folks.  I also had the chance to journey out west and visit my folks.  What made this trip special is that my sister Kelly and brother Kevin were there as well.  We had plenty of adventure.  We saw some wonderful shows, not the typical Vegas shows mind you.  We saw the Titanic, Sharks, and Bodies.  Pretty diverse, but all in all, they were pretty neat.  We also stayed at the Bellagio for a couple of nights.  I can't remember a time when housekeeping was so wonderful.  We would leave for a bit and return to find smooth jazz playing, pillows fluffed, and a piece of chocolate waiting for us.  This is the way to guarentee a return visit.  Thankyou Kevin for booking this experience for us. 

While I was away, Randy continued work on his thesis and still is chugging away even now.  He plans to submit it for review by the end of this week and defend it at the end of this month. He also recently found out that he gets to take one more Praxis exam in order to be certified in New Hampshire.  This is to take place in a little under two weeks.  I think we are both looking forward to his school year finally coming to a close.

We are also expecting visitors in about a week.  My girlfriend from highschool, Bridgette and her family will be joining us in Maine for a little over a week. Yeah...finally someone to share all of these trees with.  I am looking forward to visiting the coast and sharing our digs for the past four years with them.  Grayson is looking forward to showing Adah, Beidgette's daughter, the playground, the children's museum, and his kitties.

Well, I need to tend to Gray.  He should be getting up from nap soon and I believe we have an appointment to cuddle.  I will do my best to keep you all better informed.  I will post after the house inspection on Tuesday to let you know if we will be moving forward with the home. 

Black Bear on the prowl

So we encountered a bear in Vermont, on one of those windy country roads, that passes through the mountains..a perfect little habitat for a bear to dig up some grub, which is just what this little guy was doing.  I am just so thankful that we were driving in the car and not out for a jog...even if they are herbivores.  We had a wonderful visit with Randy's folks in Vermont over this past week.  Both Randy and Grayson were very surprised when we walked into the condo and out of the bedroom popped grandma and grandpa.  It was so wonderful just to relax and spend some quality time together as a family.  In fact, I think that I could get used to this lifestyle.  Our journey southwest allowed us to visit with Ben and Jerry, and even though they were not there, their ice cream was happy to have us over for a visit.  We did some hiking in the green mountains, went swimming, played at the FunZone, visited Burlington, hung out at Echo Aquarium, and ate yummy food daily.  We also had the chance to visit a few places that were hosting interviews for Randy.  We drove up and down Rt 91 on Thursday as Randy was called back to two schools in one day.  On Friday morning, he received a call from one offering him a full time teaching position.  The board meets on June 8th and the superintendent of the district will present the request to hire Randy to them.  He has accepted the position, but technically it will not be 100% until he signs the contract, so please keep this in prayer as we both really liked the area, the school, the community, and believe that we have already found a possible church to attend.  As many of you remember, our church searching in Maine was a most arduous task.  It took a little over two years until we found the perfect fit for our family.  We also received some incredible news on Friday afternoon.  Our family was selected to receive an adoption grant from Shaohannah's Hope.  We feel so incredibly blessed and look forward to the day when we can give back to this organization that is helping to make it possible to bring our little girl home.  Not much else to report.  I will be heading back to work tomorrow and Randy will continue the grueling task of writing his thesis.  Happy Memorial Day!

Graduated...So now what?

What a joyful day this was.  We have finally done it and the smell is sweet!!  The ceremony was a couple of hours, but I am really happy that we chose to attend.  I mean, how many other opportunities will we have to attend our own graduation ceremony.  We then headed home where I was greeted with the most beautiful dress that I have ever been presented with.  It is completely me, natural, earthy, organic, original.  This was a graduation gift from my sweet husband and I am looking forward to wearing it this summer.  The night ended at a friends house, where we shared a yummy meal and wonderful conversation. 

So now what...Randy has his first interview on Tuesday in New Hampshire.  It is a one year secondary mathematics position, but we are still really excited about the opportunity to interview.  He has put out about twenty applications so far and each week a couple more positions open up all around New England.

Mother's Day has been really sweet so far.  We went to church this morning and had the opportunity to serve on the worship team.  This is my favorite place to serve in the church.  I just get so giddy when I have the chance praise the Lord and lead others in a time of praise and worship.  It is also so nice to look over and see Randy keeping the beat on the drum set.  We then did a little shopping and now we are at home.  I am running through interview questions with Randy while typing this.  It is so neat to see how he views teaching, discipline in the classroom, assessment, and particular teaching methods.  This evening we are planning a bottle walk and hoping that the students left behind a slew of recyclables and other bits and bobs for our upcoming yard sale.  We will then conclude our evening with some delicious homemade beef stew and buttermilk biscuits.  I hope that all you mother's and mother's-to-be have wonderful day.  You are beautiful.

Here is a little something for you...

Handprint

anonymous

Sometimes you get discouraged

Because I am so small

And always leave my fingerprints

On furniture and walls

But everyday I am growing up

And soon I'll be so tall,

That all those little handprints

Will be hard to recall.

So here's a special handprint

Just so that you can say

This is how my fingers looked

When I placed them here today.