Oh, how I love the snow...

Because it gives us a reason to slow down and snuggle and contemplate why hair gel even needed to be invented.  Just go to sleep with wet hair and this hairdo can be yours as well.  We had about one foot of fresh snow fall yesterday which means that is one more foot that the sun must melt before there is even a chance of seeing some tulips and daffodils.  I wanted to share something with you all.  Ever have those days or weeks or even entire seasons where you are struggling to find contentment within the moment.  This may be one of those posts where it is just me, but I have to admit that January and February often bring with them at least a few weeks of these blahs.  Many people I have shared this with have agreed, maybe not linking themselves directly to the blahs, but they all know someone who experiences these blahs.  Well, this year, like others, I have been trying to gain triumph over the blahs through conversation, worship, playing tag in our house, anything I can, to set myself apart from them.
 
This past Friday while driving to work, I found that I was particularly gloomy.  I had shared with Randy before heading to work, that I wasn't quite jiving with this winter weather anymore and that we need to find a warmer climate, immediately.  (Yes, this was a moment where my words were flying before I even half-way examined my heart...)  I was quite thankful that I was on the work timeline so there weren't to many minutes available for any additional regrettables to part from my lips.  Well, low and behold, while driving, I found myself preparing for our Sunday experience at church and I came across these words of Desert Song, by Hillsong. 

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Now, mind you, I had sang these words about 100 times throughout the week already, but I honestly forgot to reflect on the the words that were coming out of my mouth and was just going through the breathy motions of singing the words (kinda like the conversation between Randy and I that had taken place just minutes before)  I literally tried to push through the entire bridge of the song, but found myself becoming more and more choked up.  I was instantly reminded through a spirit stirred moment that no matter what my day holds for me, that God is still God.  No matter what my experience, God is still God.  There is something that I can be whispering or shouting praises to the Lord for...no matter how small or how large, God is still God.  I am so thankful to rest on such a firm foundation that cannot be melted away by summer sun or frozen by winter winds.  No matter what season I am in within my life, He is still God and I have a reason to sing and worship.

All else is well in the land of snow.  Randy has finally finished his final draft of his thesis and has officially graduated with his masters in the Science of Teaching.  Gray and I have immersed ourselves in the Magic Treehouse series (If I start a book, we usually have to finish it within that sitting)  We will also be starting a theater program through Revels North which will be exploring African Traditions, through song and dance.  Very exciting things going on as we make our way through our ninth month of waiting since our paperwork has arrived in Rwanda.  I have a reason to worship.

A bit about the adoption

I haven't actually updated about the adoption in some time because I was assuming that the folks reading this here blog were either in the midst of their own adoption journey and plugged into our yahoo group or I have had long winded discussions about what is happening.  Then it hit me, there are probably others that don't know and are eager to hear.  There has been much movement in Rwanda in regard to the adoption portion of the ministries work.  I will not get specific with numbers because that is not for me to share unless they are our numbers, but what I can say is that several families that had their dossiers in Rwanda before ours have received their non-objection letters and are waiting to receive their referrals (in the past this has been about a two month wait between the two)  Each time I open my email inbox, I can feel my heart and mind praising the Lord for these families and their children.  I feel like with each email, each letter that is received by them only brings us one moment closer to hearing about our little one. 

We are finishing up our second round of our homestudy and should have a completed report to send within the next few weeks.  This document is needed in order to update everything, in our country as well as sending the updated information to Rwanda.  Keep prayers lifted that our homestudy coordinator will continue making progress and this will be completed in a timely manner.

As for funding goes...I say this nearly in tears, God has been so gracious and blessed our family so much.  We have been diligently budgeting each month, but I never cease to be amazed at the outside resources that continue to turn up nearly every month.  We still have about $6000.00 to raise for the final costs as well as travel.  Every penny has literally added up as my son continues to put random change into our in-home Rwanda Fund, a big old plastic water jug behind our coach.  I had a gentleman I had never met come up to me after church a few weeks ago and slip a bill into my hand stating, "It's not much, but it is for your adoption."  How blessed I felt to be on the receiving end of his generosity and humbled again that God had placed our family on someones heart, and without my knowing it.  He can be so sneaky sometimes.  I lay these final funds down at the cross in prayer that they will continue to build in our Rwanda Fund.

As far as a time line, we are so hopeful, like many other families that we will bring our daughter home by the end of the year at the latest.  Honestly, I and many others are praying for the end of the summer, but His timing will be perfect and I can rest in that.  I hope you are all well.  Gray is counting in Spanish in between singing songs to Jesus and blowing out some harsh notes on his harmonica.  Gotta go in order to save the neighbors ears.

How will I spend this day?

Well, honestly it is over half way over, but the thoughts that I have had leading up to this day have been, if nothing else, thorough.  It is after all a new year and I would be dishonest if I told you that I haven't made resolutions.  This is the first year in many that I have prayerfully been contemplating exactly what it is that "I was going to change about me that would make me a better me so that more people would enjoy me and my company."  That is a whole lot of me, huh?  Well, get on with it is what I am sure you are probably thinking and I will try to leave a bit of me out of it.  Here is my resolution brought to you coated in a thick layer of firm determination.

1.  To be intentional. 

In all things mind you so you can imagine the layers of thought that have erupted with this simple statement.  First is time...and not wasting it, which by the way, like any of you, I would have to say that I am very gifted in the art of time wasting.  I can browse the Internet for hours for land that I don't intend to purchase, items I don't intend to use, and famous people I don't intend to mimic.  I plan to use time to develop my character(studying God's Word), my home (this includes homeschooling, house-wiving, budgeting), my talents (writing is on the top of this list as well as learning a second language as a family, oh and playing the spoons) and whatever else comes up between now and then.

So, again I ask, how will I spend this day?  So far I have guided Grayson in writing W's, sounding out words, and adding domino spots together, researched NH state standards for kindergartners and found some wonderful websites that will aid in breathing new life into our day to day curriculum, exercised, shopped for towels that were unfortunately not on clearance, (but eventually they will be, and I will be there to make the purchase), grocery shopped on a shoestring budget with my five year old that thought it would be a good idea to run, leap, and belly slide down the aisle not once, but twice, whipped a chocolate cream pie into submission, watched Grayson create an apron out of paper so that he can match mama, read the Word and was yet again struck in awe of who God was and is and is yet to be all at the same time, and now, at this moment, I am writing to share with you my attempt today at being intentional.

Tis the season to be....

As always, way to much time in between posts.  I keep making new promises to myself, kinda like the New Years ones, but I actually have the intention of keeping these...kinda like the New Years ones....hmmmm, kinda cliche.  Anyhow, I am attempting to school Grayson and we have made it through two weeks with some regularity and I have to say that he has climbed on board. (This is not to say that we haven't been learning each day throughout the school year)  Its not that he wasn't on board before, but it wasn't happening how I had imagined.  I have discovered something wonderful...consistency, that's not to say that we won't fall off the boat, but I am hopeful and prayerful that we will continue on this trend.  We are getting into some sort of school routine.  For the most part, it takes place in the morning for about an hour to an hour and a half.  We have a time of morning devotional (he has recently started to look up the verses with some help which is so cool...he is navigating through the Word)  We do some reading, he reads to me, I read to him, we have a grand old time with it.  We hang out and attempt some mathematics, which I am quickly discovering is his strong suite.  I truly believe that he is thinking in numbers...kinda like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix...what other child is so interested in mile markers and exit signs along the freeway.   Please let me know if yours is, I would be thrilled to have coffee with you.  We then spend some time crafting the art of writing.  At this time he is making letters and really having a wonderful time discovering just how many ways he can make the letter "m"  I am finding that it really does take some practice, but I am also figuring out that the practice can take place over a long period of time.  Like number writing for example...He loves math, as I have said, but crafting the numbers with a pencil takes practice and I could sense the frustration mounting daily as he would begin to practice a row of threes.  By the time the row was complete, he had no interest in completing the addition problems (which he knew the answers to) because his hand had had it.  His mind was able, but his hand was weak.  So we only write a couple of threes now and move onto the addition problems with excitement.  The reality is, he is going to write threes for the rest of his life...with practice over a longer period of time, he will get good at it. 

We also go on adventures throughout the week,  He has just completed his first set of swimming lessons.  It is nice to see his legs straight in the water instead of bicycling for dear life.  His teacher was incredible and I believe that he is looking forward to the next batch of lessons to begin in January.  He has also started ice skating with a home school group.  The first week led to many falls, but by week two, I am happy to report that his bottom met the ice half as many times.  We are also going to begin a theater type group in January.  They will be exploring African traditions, stories, and a few other things. 

So, for the time being, homeschooling is going well.  I never know what each day holds for us, but I have to say it has been an incredible gift to be able to spend this quality time with my son.  He is so animated, gifted, energetic, and hungry (for food and knowledge)  He is learning even when I am not teaching and continuously asking questions.  He retells stories that we have read in his own words, he has his own ideas about what would be good in ice cream, and he wonders how things work...all things.  He is joy to be with.

As for other things, we are gearing up to travel to Ohio for the holidays.  It is a much anticipated trip as Randy is really excited to have some time off to wind down and just relax from the rigors of the school year.  He is still chugging away at his thesis (draft number 11 is in the works)  I am planning to bake several batches of cookies tomorrow for the neighbors and all of those folks that help us from day to day.  I think I am attempting to live the Little House on the Prairie life style in a busy world, but I am OK with that. 

Take care friends.

6 months and a lifetime in the making

I have "How He Loves Us" turned up in the head phones as I write this.  There are days when a simple worship song can turn the entire day around.  Today is such a day as this.  Today marks six months since our Dossier touched ground in Rwanda.  Holy smokes...I wish I could say that it seems like just yesterday that this celebrated occasion took place, but to be honest, it feels like six months.  There are days when I don't notice, but then there are moments when I nearly feel like I am suffocating in this wait...dragging, discouraged, tearful, lonely.

It is in those moments that my heart calls out to worship our Maker and I begin to think about the way He loves us.  If I don't turn to Him but rather, I turn to myself instead, it is then that I know I am trouble.  Remember Peter, the one disciple that chose to get out of the boat (Matthew 14:28-33)  He had such great faith that he jumped on the opportunity to experience the impossible.  It wasn't a toe dipping, deep reflection, moment.  Peter asks, "Lord, if it is You, ask me to come." 

Come. 

I see Peter full of focused ambition as he stands up and steps forward boldly onto the water.  Waves tickled his ankles, sea mist coaxed him to take the next step, and there he was, walking towards Christ, on water.  All was going great, until he began to doubt, he took his eyes off Christ and focused on himself, the task that was at hand and the world he was within. "It was then that he began to sink and he cried out, Lord save me."

I am sure that you have all felt that you were sinking at one time or another.  You may be sailing down the drain at this very moment.  Take heart and know that Christ loves you so much.  It's not that He loved you and then left you to fend for yourself.  It's not that He loved you so much that He created you and then turned from you and ran.  No He loves you, yesterday, today, always, and forever the same...no matter who you are, what you have done, how your hair looks, what you wear, what you think, how much money you make, what brand of cheese you purchase, whether you bite your nails, what you have accomplished, whether or not you choose to love Him...HE LOVES YOU. (I will not leave you or forsake you) YOU ARE HIS BELOVED.  How awesome is that!  The creator of all things LOVES you.  

So whether you are on a boat, on land, in a tree, at a desk, where ever you are, turn from yourself to Him.  He will wait...He stands at the door and knocks.  If anyone hears His voice and opens the door, He will come in. (Rev 3:20)  He will not beat down the door and take you by the collar and force His ways into your life, but He will wait at the door of your heart, gently knocking...it could be a song that taps, it could be a mountain view that opens your eyes to the truth, it could be a tear-filled, message soaked moment, but He is there waiting for your answer. 

Will you let Me into your life so that we can do this thing together, or would you rather go at it alone?  Grace awaits you on the other side. 

"It was then that he began to sink and he cried out, Lord save me."  Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him."

Number 62

Grayson Highlands Park, VA

We are a bit more settled now.  Gray and I took a spontaneous trip to Ohio about two weeks after moving to New Hampshire to visit a few family members that we don't get to see very often, his cousin Ava and Randy's sister and her husband were in from South Dakota.  So we made the trek south west, but this time it only took 13 hours instead of 19 because we are so much closer in New Hampshire.  We swung through PA to visit my brother and his family, continued through Cleveland to see my sister and her family, and then down to Dayton, Ohio to stay with Randy's parents.  It was actually one of my favorite trips so far and I am still trying to place my finger on why.  It was so filled with family, friends, hugs, and warmth...maybe that's it.  It is tough sometimes living away from everything that you are familiar with, even after four years of being "away" I still am filled with sense of being home every time I return to Ohio.  Sweet kinship I guess. 

Randy's folks then joined us for the ride back to New Hampshire so that they could visit our new home and hang out for a few days with the foliage.  It was a great visit.  We had some time at the farmer's market, a few dining establishments, and Randy and I even went out on a date, which was very nice.  We even held hands for a bit. 

So here we are on Monday...back to the riggers of real life.  Grayson is officially five today.  We did our time at Panera (schooling did take place), completed the grocery shopping, and finished up with the story hour at the local library.  He is now taking what I like to call the "no-nap" where he has some downtime on his own and I usually run around frantically trying to clean up.  But today is different, because we are getting some new kitchen cabinets, so here I am at the computer updating all of you on the happenings of our life while we wait to meet our little girl. 

You see, it is pretty much like all of your lives, routine moments making up entire days.  But, for me, while we wait, there is a longing.  It is similar in some ways to how I felt while I was pregnant with Grayson.  We were waiting for nine months, reading through books, studying how he was growing, what he was doing in there where I couldn't see him.  I would eat right, hike miles daily, and attempt to sleep comfortably.  I knew he was as safe as I could make him.  I prayed for him, for his health, for his future, for each moment as it presented itself. 

For our little one in Rwanda, there is this same longing to meet her, to know her, to hold her...but I can only eat right for me, I hike with Grayson daily, I sleep each night.  I have no idea what she is doing each day, who holds her, who feeds her.  I wonder if she is sleeping comfortably among the other children who are being waited for.  I read through books that talk about how our family will be, once she is with us.  I pray for her often, for her health, her future, and for each moment as it presents itself. 

We are on the cusp of month five of our wait and we were just notified that we're number 62.  I never thought that number would hold any meaning for us, just a six and a two hanging out numerically.  But what this means is that God is moving, that the ministry in Rwanda is moving, that they have thumbed through our dossier, (our papers that say who we are and how our family is waiting to meet our baby girl) and they have assigned us with number 62.  We continue to wait, with our hands raised with praise, knowing that even though I can't feel her growing within or read about where she is at this exact moment, I can be refreshed by turning to Him, who knows her already better than I ever will. 

In New Hampshire

So as many of you know, we had a big move coming up and I wanted to inform you that we have arrived safely.  Some of you may remember our move four years ago today, to Maine.  What a transition that was.  I found myself on my knees sobbing or hiding on the basement stairs asking God over and over again, "What am I doing here?"  The first few months were such a time of growth, spiritually, as a mom, as a wife, as a Maine-er.  I have never begged God or my husband so much to take me back to where I had been than I did in those first three months.  Call me an Israelite if you must, it was within those months that I found myself doing a lot of wandering.

I felt like I had my roots ripped out from underneath me even though I had voluntarily rode the twenty some hours north to our new home.  I remember arriving and meeting the landlord for the first time and stepping foot into an apartment that I had ordered on the Internet.  I can recall thinking, "It's not quite what it looked like online."  The tile was still being laid and the kitchen was shrouded in the original 1960's decor, including, but not limited to my very own in-wall oven, complete with dead bird carcass in the one and only cabinet drawer.  Those first few months were rough, probably some of the toughest I have ever experienced.  But you know what, God was there, seated beside me, stroking my hair and calling me His beloved.  I love when He calls me that.  In fact, I thirst for those moments because I am usually in one of those random valleys, lonely and reaching for Him.  He always meets me there and holds me as I weep.

New Hampshire has not been the same experience.  We arrived to an apartment that I did not have to paint on my own, (yes, that was just another one of the awesome surprises that awaited us in Maine) Randy has a job as a high school math teacher, (some of you may recall that he washed dishes for the first year in Maine while he was waiting to qualify for his graduate program), and Grayson talks now...a lot. (I no longer get the pleasure of making up and saying what I think he might be thinking, but rather he tells me, over and over again until I respond)

We have been here for nearly two weeks.  I get to stay at home with Gray and discover what New Hampshire has in store for us.  We have been busy reading, writing, hiking, playing, and wandering.  Just today we hiked on the Appalachian Trail and took homemade chocolate chip cookies to one of the shelters for the thru-hikers, hoping to touch the lives and fill the bellies of the folks that are heading North to Maine to complete their hike. 

It is a different feeling here than it was in Maine.  I don't know if it is age, or that we have already been through this type of thing, or if we have just finally come home.  We will keep you posted on any new developments in NH as well as within our adoption.  It has been four months since our wait began and many more are projected to follow.  What we do know is that God is at work and we can cling to the knowledge that He knows the plans that He has for us.